Her
by lilfriend400
Summary: With overwhelming feelings, he expresses his concern for her, wondering if his life is even worth the shot. Prelude to Mai-HiME


Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME. If I did, I would've made a different story from its original.

Summary: With overwhelming feelings, he expresses his concern for her, wondering if his life is even worth the shot. Prelude to Mai-HiME

I was nothing more than an eyesore, a coward –a mere human diagnosed with heart disease, to be exact. Heck, I question myself, day by day, on how I could've lived if I wasn't trapped in this nightmare of a building. Its food stank, and the workers were boring; it was as if I was in a prison itself. There was nothing that could've change this fact that I'm in here for life, or at least, until this clinic just somehow… gets rid of me in some way. However, this does not change the fact that there was _one_ person that visited me, her presence becoming my everyday warmth.

_She _was a type of person that never let a single smile drop from her lips, while keeping her optimistic attitude in line like a heart-filled parent. That smile of hers would catch me in a daze for a second, as if the charm in that very little action had captured my heart; I felt mesmerized whenever she pulls off a smile. Yet, aside from all that, I knew that _she _didn't want to smile.

_She _was a type of person that always tries her hardest, striving to give me what I needed the most, which not only makes me feel overjoyed, but also regret. Her heavy motivation of attaining what I required and **giving **it to me had pitied me to the core, but that does not change the fact that she herself… is also pitied to the core. I struggle to make this evident by questioning her her goals, motives, basically anything that is attached to her desire.

_"Is there anything you would like to do in life?" I asked her, noticing how she was more focused on my health than herself, as she widened her eyes with a sense of excuse. That type of 'excuse' was flagrantly displayed the moment that I outputted my words, proven that I hit her nerve._

_ "W-What's this all of a s-sudden?" She stuttered out, her face somewhat astounded by my message, noting that she was indeed not comfortable with this situation. Her hands fiddled with the hospital bed blankets, fists opening and closing, wrinkling and vice versa, as this contributed to her uneasiness. I brew up a serious atmosphere when I shot her a mix of a sincere and serious facial expression, my eyes shining with nothing that was near to a joke. She took notice of it right away, her own expression turning discontented._

_ "I…" She parted her lips, unsure of what to say in a moment like this, as her eyes slowly slipped down, being fascinated by the tile of the floor. Pardon me, but I'm sure that that answer was already calling inside of her very brain, which contributes to the reason why I was to say such a question at this moment; I wanted her to share a piece of her mind, her true goal in life. In the end, I was met with prolonged silence._

_ 'How am I to say such things to him? He already knows that taking care of him is my desire' is probably what she's thinking right now, but no matter how much I ask her 'such things', I knew that that mask is always in front of her, mocking away the sadness and anger and replacing it with sheer fake happiness._

_Nevertheless, I didn't falter._

"Is there something that you truly like to do in life?" My expression now in a sterner style, I questioned her again like a repeating message said by a strict teacher. It pained me to think that I had to break that smile of hers, her ever-going attitude she's been showing to me now becoming a saddening one.

Maybe that's why she's trying her best to not show that side of her…

Yet, why should I live? There is nothing I need in this life. This body is rugged up and at the brink of death, and I'll have to say that living this life in 'joy' is not as much as the life of 'truth', so do I really need to ask again?

… Why?

That isn't what I want, nor did I desire for her, this pain that I endure everyday because **I'm **the reason why _she _had to work everyday.

All I wanted her is to have a life of her own, to love another, and have a good future with someone. But who am I to say, a guy like me hanging around, only to become the only person for her to look at?

I kept those thoughts to myself, the regret to myself, and limiting those questions to her. I could not say that they were relevant in my perspective, because this is not about **my **life, but rather, to say this in absolutism…

_hers._

So I continue to live with these hospitalizing days, painfully regretting, painfully enduring, and just wondering when will there be a day where _she _would be the one to obtain happiness. I continue to clench onto this life of mines that did nothing but sit there and watch _her_ suffer in front of me.

I didn't… –no, I couldn't– do anything.

Another month passed by since _she _got a new job, and tiredness began to display in her eyes. There were eye bags, constant yawns, and not to mention the decrease in intelligence whenever I question her about her school life, this being in regards to the subject tests that she's been failing in. I was scared when she told me that she earned an F in one course, realizing that her future will be consisting of jobs rather than college. Heck, destroying that chance of her going to college was a painful shot that **I** am responsible for, the regret piling up on me like there's no tomorrow.

_I… I must do something… _I thought to myself, the word 'pain' mixing itself into my very soul and body, as if I was nothing more than an 'eyesore', hence of what I just said earlier.

Halt.

A knife was by my side, stained with apple juice and its peels, which was used by _her _a couple minutes ago. However, as tiredness and fatigue enveloped her, she could do nothing but take a small nap, her sleeping face now entering the stage. I struggle to think whether I should use this knife or not, knowing that it'll be useless if I didn't do something about all of this –about how I should've not existed. My thoughts were circling and fondling with nothing more than this vision of this knife, driving me with questions that I should've answered so many years ago.

Unknowingly, I grabbed the knife like it was a part of me already. All in the while, my heartbeat was deafening my ears, emotions controlling what's left of my limbs, as thoughts of suicide overwhelmed me to the point of despair; pessimism has now destroyed the optimism within me.

It should've been better if I were to die…

The blade now looking at me with its tip, I did nothing more than smile at it, knowing that I'm at the brink of escaping this pitiful world that shouldn't include me at all. Its silver glowed with passion, mirroring its surroundings, as I adjust it so that the direction is at my heart. My grin stretched out, the relaxation beginning to well up in my system, before envisioning myself –my future self–, piercing this very blade into my heart.

Blink.

Suddenly, I started panting, the intimidating atmosphere of this situation becoming more and more overwhelming as time passed. I didn't want to know the reason behind this, being the fact that I already knew from the start: I was too much of a coward to do anything… including suicide. As much as I want to change that, this coward of a body of mines, I grounded my teeth once again to counter attack that idea. I wanted to show that I was courageous, not fearing that death was seconds behind my back, as I regain strength within the hold of this knife.

_I want her to be free…_

I closed my eyes, this vision of blackness becoming a void for me to endure these… last precious moments of my life, charging the momentum of the knife to hurl one direction (opposite of mines), then towards me. In the midst of this, even for a second, I could feel like the air of the afterlife was just within my grasp, and I expected it with absolutistic confidence. However, questions still bugged me even at this very minute.

…_Heaven? Hell? Just where will I be going to in a moment like this? I shiver to think that there isn't even such a place that will unpredictably–_

"Takumi!"

So many actions had flew by that I can't even describe them just now, the weight of everything just… collapsing onto me. It took me nearly a minute to grasp the vision before me, to see _her _face consumed by distraught, distress, and worry. I didn't think that such an action would cause a response like that from her, as I could feel the wetness tapping onto my face… –wait…

What?

Sobs were heard right above me, as I could see _her _face nearly two feet away from me. The grip of my knife was no longer there; it was evident that the knife was blown away from my hand. Replacing that cold-hearted weapon came a hand of warmth and love, wrapping itself around mines, as I was still mesmerized by the sight. It was one of those times where I was just in shock, the moment of death never meeting my side, as I widened my eyes to not only my perspective, but also _hers. _

"Why did you do such a thing…?" Embracing me by pulling my body with that hand, her breath of words were now going to my ears in a slight whisper, I couldn't help but feel as if I was a stubborn fool for a second –that is, before that cowardice came to my voice once again.

"I… I thought I could've helped you; I was nothing more than an obstacle in your life…! I don't understand why I should even live and–" Unfortunately, what came next was the tightening of my sister's grip, shutting my words off like a light switch. She then continued on her message.

"There's no point if you were to die, Takumi…" Voice being more sincere this time, she paused for a moment, allowing some time for her to breathe from the heat of the moment.

"…Because, … I won't be able to have a proper family –our mom's dead, our dad's dead, and now you're the only one I got left…" She tightened her grip on our embrace again, sobs emitted from time to time. "If I were to lose you now… I-I won't know what to do…"

"S-Sister…?" Was what I could quickly crack open, my mouth completely dry to the touch, as I was still frozen like ice.

"S-So…, please…" Stuttering for a small amount of time, she then looked at me in the eye, as if she broke through the ice with that very stare.

"…don't die."

Another month flew by like paper, as if there wasn't much of a deal to handle from the month before. Coincidentally, my sister found out that there were scholarships offered to us to Fuka Academy, and apparently, that's a school that's located on an island. I recall seeing my sister's enthusiasm when she bolted into my hospital room, her smile not so fake as it once was, but enough to motivate me to pack up my own supplies to our next home. She also showed me some sample pictures of this new school, and the fact that it seems 'rich' was enough to satisfy her needs. But of course, it didn't take long before we got onto the ship to this new school. Heck, maybe luck was on our side…

"Sister…?" My eyes were now locked onto a floating object on the water, its color unusual to its tone, as my sister quickly reacted with a 'what?' afterwards. To respond to that, I simply point my finger at that 'object', my eyes now stern when I notice that it looks like a human rather than an object.

"What's that?"

Author's Notes (10/10/10): Ahhhgjdsgkfdkl… I finally got down this new fanfic oneshot mhm…. =w=;; Jjust keep in mind this is a rough draft and I'm tired and… mhmm… good night… R&R~…

Edited (10/15/10): Just a few edits ;3 yaay~!


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